I wrote awhile back about my girlfriend Bernice who was expecting her second child. And here are the photos of Baby Christelle’s first month celebrations.
I’m happy for Kelvin and Bernice on their new addition to the family and I’m sure their older daughter Arielle would love the company of having a sibling to play and fight with.
Poor Arielle was sick and grumpy that day but she was still a pretty good sport for her little’s sister’s celebration.
Almost every time I post about my friends having a new kid, I would get an email, note, facebook message , etc about when it’s going to be my turn or assumptions that I hate children. So let me get the elephant out of the room.
Till date, I have chosen not to have children. I don’t hate children. I love them very very much. I do a lot of work with children on my own time and I spend time with my friend’s kids almost every week. I have 2 godsons and I’m always happy to capture my friend’s children and their cutest moments in my blog because they matter to me.
So why am I 30, married for the longest time and have no children of my own?
Well, I don’t have the commitment to be able to raise one up the way I want them to be raised. I don’t need children to feel complete and enjoy fulfillment, exhaustion, commitment, excitement and exhilaration as I get those through travels and other projects. Many people think that these are purely selfish reasons. But it’s not. Having children is wonderful and it is beautiful to see the sacrifices parents make for their children every single day because they love them. I’ll probably be the same if I had kids as well. However, to say that you need to have children to contribute to mankind is going a little too far. Nobody has children because they want to give to society. People have children because they want to have them in their lives. And for those who have kids because they want to fit in with their family or friends have an even more selfish reason. Not having children in fact gives you more time to give to society and help the children that are already out there that need more love.
The bottom line is this. I love children. I don’t necessarily have to be related to them by blood to love children. The decision to have or not have kids is a widely discuss topic between my husband and I and we are on the fence at the moment. I don’t know which is the best choice but either way I am definitely not one to cave in to societal pressures. We’ll have children when we want to and are able to give our best to raise one (not just monetary) . If we choose not to have kids we’ll still give birth to new ideas and have new contributions to our lives and to the community.
Now Mr Elephant, Vanish!
Read your post twice and it totally resonated with me. I’m 30, married for over 3 years and have no kids. Was and still in the exact same situation as you. Love children and yes i don’t see my life being less fulfilling or meaningful just because we don’t have children. Also on the fence but well, things will work out the way it is meant to be. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this and hope you and your husband will come to a mutual understanding soon.
Hi ym,
Thank you for your comment. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way and I think it’s important to get assurance that it’s okay to make such decisions especially when there are so many people that cannot understand the decisions we make. Hubby and I are in a good place and our relationship with each other has always been our 1st priority. 🙂
Read your post twice and it totally resonated with me. I’m 30, married for over 3 years and have no kids. Was and still in the exact same situation as you. Love children and yes i don’t see my life being less fulfilling or meaningful just because we don’t have children. Also on the fence but well, things will work out the way it is meant to be. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this and hope you and your husband will come to a mutual understanding soon.
Hi ym,
Thank you for your comment. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way and I think it’s important to get assurance that it’s okay to make such decisions especially when there are so many people that cannot understand the decisions we make. Hubby and I are in a good place and our relationship with each other has always been our 1st priority. 🙂
I have been your reader for many years. Decided to post comment for the first time because I totally like your comments on children and thank you for sharing it. Yes, we don’t need children to feel that life is complete. I wonder how people will eventually understand and stop asking us THE question again and again. Wish you many beautiful years ahead with your hubby 🙂
Hi thewinterfire,
Thanks for making your first post on my site 😉
I think it’s a little tougher for the generation before us to understand but at least more than 70% of my peers understand because they know how busy I am and how excited I am with a sorts of projects not needing to involve having a child of my own. So I think opinions are revolving and hopefully others will come to accept them. Wishing you happiness and excitement with your other half as well!
I have been your reader for many years. Decided to post comment for the first time because I totally like your comments on children and thank you for sharing it. Yes, we don’t need children to feel that life is complete. I wonder how people will eventually understand and stop asking us THE question again and again. Wish you many beautiful years ahead with your hubby 🙂
Hi thewinterfire,
Thanks for making your first post on my site 😉
I think it’s a little tougher for the generation before us to understand but at least more than 70% of my peers understand because they know how busy I am and how excited I am with a sorts of projects not needing to involve having a child of my own. So I think opinions are revolving and hopefully others will come to accept them. Wishing you happiness and excitement with your other half as well!